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NEW JOURNAL [20 Dec 2003|12:13am]
i got a new journalllllllllll yayayayayayay

from now on. i am hereby names orgasmiclust

k so go add me thanks loves
[ 5 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

omfg pictures of me [16 Dec 2003|01:07am]
i got so hot WHO KNEW

lets bone babyCollapse )

ah and i made lucy an lj icon :D

i posted them cause Luc didnt get to see them before he left, so yeah. now you all get to enjoy.

In other news. Bryan came over tonight, we just hung out and talked and watched some tv...hi stop pushing and pulling me k? im not a rag doll even if i am light enough to move easily...and poking you is amusing dont poke me back, its not.

Umm other than that...lately ive had to pee alot...i am gonna blame the pills that my mommy put me on, its either that or maybe its just my period is being odd this month, but ever since i started one of them ive been peeing like mad.. :D

My hair is so hot right now...its so true i'd do myself thanks...umm

Oh my daddy said Im getting nuttin for christmas :D so nice of him, he tells me this every year and then i become a total bitch. Im thinking hes getting me digital cable for my room probably and clothes and whateva else. Or maybe just digital cable and an mp3 player cause thats what i do want the most. he mentioned the digi cable the other night when i wuz watching tv downstairs hes just scared if i get it in my room he will never see me. :D so untrue i told him to just get different working hours and he'd see me just fine..
[ 37 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

i wanna be... [15 Dec 2003|01:55am]
[ mood | optimistic ]

I wanna be the one who kisses away your tears
I wanna be the one who blows away all your fears
I wanna be the one whos gonna be with you all these years

I wanna be the one you kiss goodnight
I wanna be the one whos hand you hold tight
I wanna be the one whos only in sight

I wanna be your everything
I wanna be your one and only
I wanna be your guiding light

I wanna be your best friend
I wanna be your favorite thing
But most of all...I want to be your girlfriend.

[ 5 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

top 10 [15 Dec 2003|01:13am]
so I wuz talking to someone on my msn and we were discussing our top ten worst habbits...and i thought i'd share with y'all...anyone that knows me knows this stuff already im sure though...

01. Noticing peoples eyebrows first, its the first thing I judge, its how I judge people...and then I stare and I nit pick on how I can improve their eyebrows...thin out, fill in, pluck, wax, shape, whateva you name it...i think about it...its a weird habbit but I know im not the only one

02. Being stubborn, I do what I want, and I always have to get my way. or I hold grudges til Im satisfied. I dunno how to listen to anyone, you can tell me anything and if its not something i came up with myself, im not doing it.

03. Cleaning my room in the middle of the night. i could be fast asleep and I will wake up and turn on my light, and look at my room, and just start cleaning. I try not to make too much noise, but as long as my rooms clean in the end, i can go back to sleep eventually.

04. Not experimenting. I stick to things I know I look good in, as far as my looks go. Clothes, and make up, and my hair. I keep things and dont try out new styles, I rarely do if i have to. Why fix something that aint broke is my motto...and I happen to think I look fine even if its just in my typical babydoll and jeans and the same old neutral make up colors.

05. Looking at my own pictures...its a rather nasty habbit. or reading my own profiles and stuff...I go to something like ftj, or tug, and I just go to my profile. i scroll through it, i look at all the pics just everything...I will do it a thousand times a day, rarely paying attention, it just happens.

06. Not caring about things/people. Theres some things and people that I will never stop caring for, theres others that meh my feelings differ between days. Even things that have been apart of my life all my life...I have tendencies to shrug my shoulders to and just have a who cares attitude towards.

07. I like making my friends happy at my expense. I have picky friends, and Im really picky myself...and I know everything i suggest is never good enough for them so i just keep my mouth shut and let them have their way, even if it makes me miserable.

08. Theres moments when I can sit still for hours and stuff, and just get into a movie or whateva Im doing and such, and then theres times when I cant even sit still for three seconds and I just gotta keep moving, running up and downstairs, eating, doing something that requires me to move constantly or something like that. People wonder why it takes me so long to answer on msn and stuff sometimes, its cause Im usually downstairs running around doing something, or cleaning, or staring at myself in the mirror or dancing around my room.

09. I can not stand not knowing something, surprises annoy me to no end to the point where if someone surprises me, I realize this means they have been withholding information from me and lying to me, and it makes me so angry. Not to the point of expelling them from my life just, if makes me not want to speak to them for awhile while I collect my thoughts and calm down. And I feel if someone doesnt tell me something, they dont trust me, and if someone doesnt trust me why should I be in their life? So I tend to fuck off.

10. And for ten its your turn to tell me another problem I have :D i know so many of you can think of something that is wrong with me thats a bad habbit of mine that i really need to learn to change about me and stuff...so go
[ 10 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

My letter to santa [13 Dec 2003|10:21am]
Dear Santa...

All i really want for christmas is this one tiny little thing...its really important to me though and its something i want more than anything else.

You see...theres this guy that I like and well he doesnt exactly feel the same about me anymore. And to be honest, its killing me deep inside my heart and soul. I look at him and he seems a million miles away, even if he's right infront of me.

He used to make me feel like I wuz a princess...the most important girl in the world..I'd give anything to have that back..if I cant have him I just want his friendship back, its so important to me. And maybe someday down the line if I can ever make what I've done up to him, I'd like to have a chance with him...to show him that I do care, and that he is important. That to me he seems like the greatest guy in the world.

He's the guy i wanna wake up on Christmas day and know he is apart of my life....

Can I for once get what I ask for?

Thank you

P.S. Ive been a good girl..aside from the horrible things ive done this year =/

give jermeysbaby more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own
[ 17 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

OK OK OK OK OK OK i love creamers k [13 Dec 2003|09:35am]
[ mood | awake ]

Hi first off read this, its what Andy said to me and Melly last night and just <333 OMFG I LOVE YOU ANDY K? lol that wuz probably the second greatest thing I've heard all week long its awesome :D:D:D:D

.: say it like you mean it :. (www.andy-roy.cjb.net) (fuck you messenger 6.1) says:
i just like having u guys there makes me feel better

think its cause we sit like right under his nose and smile and stare and sing along, lmfao, Story Time With Andy Roy is definitly the best part of my week k?

Awesomeeeeeee show last night? yes. we were late like mad. lolol it wuz so late, WE MISSED THE BEGINNING OF GRANT, we almost cried...lmfao. And that kid Andy forgot to introduce us to Grant, but I think that wuz just cause he wants to keep us all for his self...bad enough we know lyrics to Grant songs....:D

Ummm hey people when you go to 7-11 go grab a buncha creamers k? like the French Vanilla, and Irish Creme, and Hazelnut and stuff, :D:D:D:D:D:D My purse is FULL of them, me and melly went nuts? like 5 times k? lolool. i just had 1 of each and just wired they are so tasty? especially the French Vanilla, it makes me giggle inside out.

Periods are annoying as shit eh? i love you start spotting and then it stops and youre like FOR FUCKSSAKES ARE YOU COMING OR NOT? IM LEAVING WITHOUT YOU! :D:D:D:D

Oh man you know what made my day today? that bus driver again! the one that saved the day a few weeks back when i missed like 10 buses in a row...he saw me and he wuz like hi, i told you I'd never forget you beautiful it wuz so sweet. hes such a nice guy, hes one of the only 3 bus drivers that i like, cause they are awesome. Two of them work in Burnaby (him and this guy with long hair and a mustache hes hilarious and awesome) and one from Richmond.

I feel so icky right now...seriously...i wanna take a shower and go to sleep but then id have to take another shower later toooooooooooo cause i need to get ready and i know theres no way im doing my hair and stuff right now and i cant fix my hair once its ruined lol...so umm...i dunno yet k? maybe i will have a shower and then another later...yes thats it.

Oh anyways back to what i wuz talking about...andys concert, you know what made it the best? i saw james...i couldnt even look at him though...at the end me and melly walked out and i just walked by him with my head down, i felt like...whoa shit...normally i woulda looked at him while walking over to him then looked down but i looked away and then down and just fast as i could walk past him i did....but all through the concert i could see his reflection in the glass...and i wuz sorta just watching him...and i kinda blocked everyone and everything else out and it wuz just me and him...it just made me smile for a bit then i snapped back to reality and applauded andy...

hehe we were like "andyyyyy" when he wuz right by james and he just came over and gave us hugs, we were gonna ask him something and he just gave us hugs and it wuz like wowwies andy loves us ;) lolol. i kinda wanted to waltz over to james and give him a hug or atleast try to but umm...rejection aint my thang sweetheart!

K think Imma go finish talking to Bry, and then go take a shizzower, with the jizz power, to the max! HIT IT UP!

p.s. me and melly are coming out with an album soon! we wrote all the songs last night, while waiting in the freezing cold for Jasper.

[ Kiss Me ]

mizz sherry leanne took a buncha pics [09 Dec 2003|03:34pm]
gather around my children for story time

todays selection is a picture bookCollapse )
[ 18 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

i win k [09 Dec 2003|01:30pm]
so i might get a job in the bakery at Extra Foods k? I went to talk to Diane today and she said she'd talk to Kevin after lunch and stuff and see if a position is still available and what not and whateva cause theres no cashier jobs right now. blah.

ah well, id be working like weekends or something like that its only a few days a week at like 6am, hella early but thats ok. it might put a kink in my andy roy obsession but I will work around it, just start going home afterwards i guess.

anyways we get home right, (kevin drove) and he wuz going off about his parking job and whateva and I start walking upstairs and Murrays coming down and he's like "I take it we're having a family moment since everyones swearing going fucking this fucking that" lmfao. so true, gotta love my fucken family ;) lmfaolmfaolmfao
[ Kiss Me ]

msn is broke :@ [09 Dec 2003|11:23am]
im so tired of msn being broken k. yesterday when i tried to sign in it wuz being kinda gay too but it only did it once, last night it signed me out outta no where but i wuz going to bed so i didnt try to sign back in, NOW I CANT SIGN IN AT ALL :@ die msn die you stupid face!

[ 6 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

lets play a game..fill this out about me: [08 Dec 2003|03:38pm]
01. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
02. Am I loveable?
03. How long have you known me?
04. When and where did we first meet?
05. What was your first impression?
06. Do you still think that way about me now?
07. What do you think my weakness is?
08. Do you think I'll ever get married?
09. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. What is my best quality?
13. How well do you think you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think that I could kill someone?
17. Who would play me in a movie?
18. If I were to be a color, what one would I be?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
21. Do you think that I am stubborn?
22. Are you going to put this on your livejournal and see what I say about you?
[ 21 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

AYEEEEEEEEE [08 Dec 2003|03:15am]
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
mel says you stink
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
go take a shower
Luc says:
i did
Luc says:
mel just wants me naked lmfao
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
and soaped up?
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
easier access in your asshole
Luc says:
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
oh please youd let mel do that to you
Luc says:
sorry, thats exit only
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
lmfao you and your club...
|[ I Want A Guy That Will Stay Up Late, Just To Watch Me Sleep ]| says:
do you all put corks up each others asses for meetings?
Luc says:
lmao yup yup
[ Kiss Me ]

tell me on the phone, ooh you can write it in a letter babe [07 Dec 2003|03:22am]
So last night, where to begin...well me and Melly met up while she wuz getting her pedicure and stuff and we talked and she made sure i wuz ok, FUCK I FORGOT MY PRESENT AT HER PLACE I JUST REALIZED THAT AND MY CANDY CANE GOD DAMMIT!!!! umm off topic lol, she gave me a present it wuz cute a lil reindeer.

From there we walked over to RC and Melly bought a bra then me and her headed to Ricky's for dinner...omfg our salad wuz the best ever?!?!?! It wuz a BLTC Salad....Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, Cheese, Onion, Ranch with Honey Mustard, so good k. And we had a side order of fries and gravy, fries bad, gravy very good. so we drank that :D proud lucas?

We went to wait for the bus, called a cab, lol, saw John hid, lol, we took the bus home and John sat behind us? lol sure. lol. umm went to Melly's she got ready and we went to Andy's concert, WAITED FOREVER. argued with some guy....got offered Andy's friends booze by two guys lol. and umm it wuz so cute when Andy wuz performing he asked us what songs we wanted to hear lol. So he did the beginning to Goodnight Starlight and Yours Truly all mixed into one (i wuz about in tears) and then did Happy Breakup and Hold On, it wuz awesome I loved it.

We left and we were getting stared at and stuff, it wuz like :@:@:@ just goshies eh. This one car went down, went up, went down, went up, went down, turned left all just to talk to us like FUCK OFF K? We hopped a bus out to Ladner, then went to Rigels, minus Rigel lol, and got plastered so fun. Well i coulda been drunker but i gotta take care of people when I drink so i cant get wasted...after we went home we fucken went on a shopping spree at 7-11 it wuz hilarious...and got a buncha food and whateva, and went to sleep around 9am.

Umm today we got up and got ready and I yelled at Mel and we both were in tears cause of it, and just...i hope she learns from this instead of just acting how she always acts cause it wuz totally unacceptable and it really makes me think less of her when she does stupid stuff like this just </3>

"What do you mean what...thought you didn't want to listen to what I had to say. But since this might be my only opportunity, I guess I shall take it.

I dont expect to get your friendship back, I am almost positive theres no way thats happening, and I dunno why it happened, I'd like answers. I'd like real answers, cause it wuz just like outta no where, you stopped liking me, you stopped wanting to be mine and Mel's friend, and it's just like whoa wtf happened. Im so confused..see normally James I'd be like fuck it, he doesn't want my friendship he wuzn't worthy of it to begin with, normally I'd think so what he doesn't like me back, big deal. But you wanna know what? It is a big deal...For some reason I find myself drawn to you...I still like you and I will admit it. Last time I saw you, I walked away in tears, you used to be so good to me, you used to make me actually feel special. You were this amazing guy and it's like where'd James go? Like how can you go from supposedly liking someone to not wanting anything to do with them.

I look at you and it hurts. Cause all these feelings come up. Whenever I see you it's like how come he's not coming over to give me a hug? And I don't even know if you care. Do you care at all that you're hurting me? That you are hurting Mel? Does any of that matter to you James? Like did my friendship mean dick all to you? Do you look at me and miss having me around? Miss knowing that I care? Cause I definitly miss having you around...I guess you can't miss something til it's gone, and now that it is, it sucks alot.

You know I'm really surprised you e-mailed me. Atleast you acknowledged that I wanted to talk to you. I didn't even want Melanie to send that text message letting know I wanted to talk to you....I really didn't want you to know, cause I wuz building up the courage to talk to you. You scare me...I look at you, and I can't even find the words to describe how I feel about you...I don't know. You used to be someone I could talk so easily to.

James you know on Canada Day how I didn't look too happy when I wuz leaving? The entire way back to Mel's I wuz in tears, you know why? I realized that night I liked you. And I realized I wuz in a relationship that should have ended a long time ago. I felt so stupid...I had this guy right infront of me and it wuz like...hey it looks like he likes me...and then I'd have to go back to Jer and he'd mess with my head.

Last night me and Mel were talking on our way out to Ladner...and we were discussing things and she thinks maybe you were only sexually attracted to me, like nothing else mattered. Maybe it wuz that...that if you said the right things to me, I would melt for you, and give into you. Maybe there wuz more, but it wuz like you just turned off your feelings rather quickly. It hurts me to think that you could tell me you like me then act as if I never existed in this world. James I'm a human and I don't deserve to be treated that way. You won't even acknowledge me when you see me, atleast I don't think you do.

I guess what all I really want from you, is a reason why you aren't our friend anymore. And I'd love to have your friendship back, but I have a feeling there's no way you will let that happen. So I guess all I really need to know is why James...why'd it happen?


his reply:

You hurt me. I don’t want an apology, I don’t want to be your friend, I just want to end this.

Yeah, I liked you for a bit. It was more than physical, don’t doubt that. I treated you like a princess, aye, I meant it.

But you had your chance the first time, but you ran back to jer. It made me feel like shit, and I realized one night, that it made me feel like garbage. I dropped everything.

Nothing you can say or do will ever change that, or recover our ‘friendship’. Since that moment I’ve had so much malice – why should I let you walk all over me, just to come back?

Don’t try to reason with it, it’s there, it’s how I feel, it’s not changing.

You fucked me up, and you’ll never, ever be able to make it up.

So get over it, I have.

Goodbye, Sherry.

is it wrong to be crying over this? no one understands why i went back to Jer...i wish i could explain it to them...me and Jer havent been in love with each other for a long time, but we were familiar to each other...and..fuck...

im really glad bryans asleep on the phone right now so he doesnt hear me cry...omg...how can i make someone feel that way? im feel like im such a bitch...
[ 15 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

MY TO DO LIST [04 Dec 2003|05:37pm]
1. Get my license so I dont miss anymore Canuck autograph signings
2. get a god damn car so i have something to do with my license wtf.
3. hump dan cloutier
[ 14 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

falling over you, know we'll work it through, knowing everything will be just fine [04 Dec 2003|01:18am]
[ mood | lonely ]

So lets see. Im happy today. really I am...last night Mel and I were on the phone and she asked me what James' cell # wuz, and i told her and she wuz like i just wanna call and listen to his message...so we did...it put a smile on my face just hearing his voice...

She left him a text message. and just yeah...im not nearly as nervous to talk to him right now i think, cause I talked to Andy and he's behind me on this, and everyone I think is, they know its what I got to do. Luc told me not to fuck up lolol. and he assured me just to speak from my heart and things will be fine...I hope so Lucas.

Andy basically said I got nothing left to lose...which is true, the worst that can happen is I come outta this with all the answers and no friendship...But I want the answers thats what Im doing this for...not to get his friendship back, yes I do miss it beyond belief..and yes, I like him...just I need the answers so if I have to I can let this go..cause I seem to have problems with this cause its not an open and shut case.

New Andy song <33 Love it to death. but Yours Truly will forever be my favorite. I just really understand that song, its just like wow. I listened to it for over an hour last night before Bryan called to make sure I wuz ok, cause me and him were discussing this James thing, and he admitted he liked me...basically he told me that when he first met me he thought I wuz absolutly drop dead gorgeous, and that he wuznt really sure how he felt about me, til I wuz sitting there talking about how much I like James and how this is hurting me and everything and he said it just sorta hit him. Just now I feel weird, cause he says Im cool and its just different thats why he didnt know cause Im one of those people he can just hang out with and not even talk to and we can just do nothing and he has a great time with me...like yeah I love hanging out with him, hes awesome, his friends are great too, and I just geniunely have a good time hanging out with them...just I only like James...and Im kinda stuck in this rut right now..and I really need someone to pull me out.

Im so tired, and I have a headache from thinking so much...just my head is so boggled with things, I really need a massage. I swear Im like the tensest chick ever lol. Bryan always starts rubbing my shoulders and hes always like wtf! youre so tense! lololol. I rarely relax people remember?

I think Imma go lie down and just drown in my thoughts.

Yours eyes they tell a story
and my heart will tell you the same
but I swear that I'd never let you go

And your hand it rests beside you
and my hand, well it does the same
give me yours and I'll never let it go

And we can go on your time I wont mind
I just dont want you to slip away
and now where we are, you lay beside me
there are so many things I'll tell you
about me

I want you to know
the things I have deep down
Inside of me
Im listening, you can tell me anything

Well Ive waited so long for you
And Ive dreamed of you so many times
Well its here, and I wont let you go

And your laugh, it makes my heart melt
Your friends say we'd be the perfect couple
Did you know I think about you everyday?

And here we are
Who ever knew we'd get this far
In this slow dance, will you take me in your arms

And now where we are, you lay beside me
There are so many things I'll tell you, about me
I want you to know, the things I have deep down inside of me
I'm listening you can tell me everything

=/ i bet i fucked up some of them :D:D:D im good at doing that, Andy fucken knows remember?

[ 9 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

hey Bryan, thanks for making me a fighter [02 Dec 2003|05:44pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]

Lmfao, what a fucken weekend, that just ended k.

This is the story of my weekend, day by dayCollapse )

In other news...all weekend and stuff I cant get James off my mind...hes just there...the entire way home last night and tonight wuz just James this James that and Just </3 Im petrified. I dunno even how to start it, like theres so much to say i dont think i can get it all out and stuff...its like k I dunno at all what to say to him, how to word it, without being weird and just yeah...i dunno even how to approach him just be like "hey James i wanna talk to you" or what? and when we do that like wtf how do i start it off? cant exactly say hi, or anything...its so odd. he scares me...hes not someone i should be scared of. just i fear the fact that even if he listens to me completely hes just gonna walk away...or be like "just forget me" and nothing will change...and just yeah...man i dunno what to do. its so close to Andys concert, and me and Mel dunno even what to say to him yet. Just meh....I space to the thought of him too often...is it just me or is it beginning to seem that im either way beyond hurt or im starting to obsess? lol.

[ 13 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

Addicted [28 Nov 2003|12:10am]
[ mood | crushed ]

I heard you're doing okay
But I want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy but you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now it's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again

Since the day I met you
And after all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know that it's true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
Do you think I deserve this?

I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why I'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm addicted to you

Me and Melly heard this and we looked at each other, and just...wow if you know the situation read it...You get it.

And k so im lying there with Bryan and i noticed something about how he dresses? its like semi like James and just...man that disturbed me for a second i closed my eyes and opened them and i saw the pants and stuff and i wuz just like. whoa james, and i kinda jumped...im so odd for noticing these things k? but the smallest things, just. </3 *stab*

[ 12 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

the candyman cannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn [27 Nov 2003|05:04am]
[ mood | awake ]

Omfg k im so happy? Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory came on k? YAY I love this movie.

On other notes, I did a new layout for my journal. SO HOT K. A new layout for my site. HOT TOO. a new wallpaper for my computer

Just hot k? for realz lol. Anyways go sign the guestbook on my site, dont forget, cause its brand new and stuff. And i need people to sign it :( or i will cry k? :) YAY FOR NOT CRYING.

Ummm Other than that theres not much news from me...:D:D:D

[ 2 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

lalala [26 Nov 2003|02:26pm]
BRETT IS BACK, well not really but i get to talk to him k? weeeeeee he's sending me his drawing of me :D:D:D i cant wait...it better be good, and he better of drawn it from a good picture or imma be pissed god only knows!!!

Anyways so my mom and me are watching tv last night eh, and my mom is like "so whats happening with you and Jer? its not going very good is it?" im like "wtf? that ended months ago? you are falling behind in news to tell the family arent you" lmfao. she said something about how jer will probably never know what he wants and thats the problem most likely and just yeah. i just kinda ignored it, i tried to think of it, but i didnt wanna think too deeply into things. And she asked if anything is going on between me and Bryan and Im like noooooo we're just friends k. And she asked if he knows this, and Im like "uh yeah" and she asked if I liked him and Im like "no. Mel likes him, and he likes me, and I like James, and James hates me and Mel, Mel likes Adam, and Adam hates her, yes Mel likes Bryan and Adam, but Adam more, and Ern, oh man" lmfao. shes laughed at that she thinks we're all hilarious ok.

Brett says to yank James aside someday, take him away from everyone and just get him alone in a room. and just yell at him, not yell, but aggressively tell him everything, and just ask him wtf why is he doing this and just whateva.

You know what? i feel as if for once in my life, i dont have all the answers, usually its me giving everyone the advice when it comes to relationships, and for once...ive fallen behind and in a rut and i cant get myself out without the help of others telling me what to do....

meh...anyways imma go finish talking to bretteresteresterest and stuff and whateva. blah fucken day.

oh btw funny story. i woke up aboutto get outta bed and the phone rings...so i put the covers back on and i roll over and go back to sleep, lmfao i wuz like fuck that im not dealing...it wuz mel :D:D:D:D
[ 15 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

I Promise You, For You...I Will [25 Nov 2003|06:47pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Ripped Off Andy: Soundtrack Of My Life

opening credits: Eve - Thats What It Is
waking-up scene: Bowling For Soup - Greatest Day
average-day scene: Simple Plan - One Day
smoking a cigarette scene: The Used - Taste Of Ink
best-friend scene: Vitamin C - Graduation (Friends Forever)
driving scene: Cypress Hill - Low Rider
first-date scene: Mya - If You Were Mine
falling-in-love scene: Selena - I Could Fall In Love With You
love scene: The Juliana Theory - Goodnight Starlight
fight-with-friend scene: Less Than Jake - All My Best Friends Are Metalheads
break-up scene: Dashboard Confessional - The Brilliant Dance
advice scene: 2pac - Baby Dont Cry (Keep Ya Head Up)
mental-breakdown scene: Monica - So Gone
lesson-learning scene: Mya - Things Come And Go
birthday scene: R Kelly - I Wish
happy dance scene: N.E.R.D - Lap Dance
drinking scene: Puddle Of Mudd - Piss It All Away
party scene: Pink - Get This Party Started
dream scene: Selena - Dreaming Of You
regret scene: Cauterize - Killing Me
long-night-alone scene: Saliva - Rest In Pieces
wedding scene: K-Ci & JoJo - Now & Forever
death scene: Box Car Racer – Letters to God
closing credits: Christina Aguilera - Fighter

Ripped Off Of Ashley: SurveyCollapse )

As for everything else, Andy's concerts were great on the weekend I had a blast. Chad came with us to the one on Friday that wuz awesome, and then Saturday Bryan came with us...And just..gosh, Saturdays, i almost burst out into tears, really tears were streaming down my face, cause I just got so upset...I didnt know James wuz there yet, and just usually we try to avoid each other and he wuz just there...right infront of me and just, wow, i walked away and tried so hard not to burst into tears...Im a loser k. I swear normally id be like fuck it hes not worth my time, but thats all me and melly talk about...we talked about Adam and James and Ern and Jer and stuff, and its just like wtf is wrong with this world for real k. Why does it have to be so hard...why does life gotta be like this...and be so unfair...Like as if it wuznt hard enough realizing the one person I trusted with everything, broke my heart and made me wake up and realize love isnt something that Im going to have anytime soon..but the one guy I actually do like..and have feelings developing for...wants nothing to do with me...why does this gotta happen? what did i do to deserve this...man...just...</3 this isnt making me stronger... jer keeps saying to go up to James and talk to him...Im thinking I might, cause i wuz thinking, even Andy before has told me just to call him, or just go talk to him....and Andy is James' best friend...I need to get over this fear of being rejected (it fucked me up for so many years) and just....go for it...just tell him to stfu and listen to me, and just tell him how i feel and how angry i am, and how it hurts me what hes doing, and how i think i feel towards him, and then ask him why he is doing this to me and mel.... can anyone tell im so scared?

[ 6 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

collages that i made for me and melly :D:D:D:D:D:D:D [21 Nov 2003|02:01pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

thats my main on ftj

bounce that ass round and roundCollapse )

[ 12 Butterfly KissesKiss Me ]

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