|tell me on the phone, ooh you can write it in a letter babe
||[07 Dec 2003|03:22am]
So last night, where to begin...well me and Melly met up while she wuz getting her pedicure and stuff and we talked and she made sure i wuz ok, FUCK I FORGOT MY PRESENT AT HER PLACE I JUST REALIZED THAT AND MY CANDY CANE GOD DAMMIT!!!! umm off topic lol, she gave me a present it wuz cute a lil reindeer.
From there we walked over to RC and Melly bought a bra then me and her headed to Ricky's for dinner...omfg our salad wuz the best ever?!?!?! It wuz a BLTC Salad....Bacon, Lettuce, Tomato, Cheese, Onion, Ranch with Honey Mustard, so good k. And we had a side order of fries and gravy, fries bad, gravy very good. so we drank that :D proud lucas?
We went to wait for the bus, called a cab, lol, saw John hid, lol, we took the bus home and John sat behind us? lol sure. lol. umm went to Melly's she got ready and we went to Andy's concert, WAITED FOREVER. argued with some guy....got offered Andy's friends booze by two guys lol. and umm it wuz so cute when Andy wuz performing he asked us what songs we wanted to hear lol. So he did the beginning to Goodnight Starlight and Yours Truly all mixed into one (i wuz about in tears) and then did Happy Breakup and Hold On, it wuz awesome I loved it.
We left and we were getting stared at and stuff, it wuz like :@:@:@ just goshies eh. This one car went down, went up, went down, went up, went down, turned left all just to talk to us like FUCK OFF K? We hopped a bus out to Ladner, then went to Rigels, minus Rigel lol, and got plastered so fun. Well i coulda been drunker but i gotta take care of people when I drink so i cant get wasted...after we went home we fucken went on a shopping spree at 7-11 it wuz hilarious...and got a buncha food and whateva, and went to sleep around 9am.
Umm today we got up and got ready and I yelled at Mel and we both were in tears cause of it, and just...i hope she learns from this instead of just acting how she always acts cause it wuz totally unacceptable and it really makes me think less of her when she does stupid stuff like this just </3>
"What do you mean what...thought you didn't want to listen to what I had to say. But since this might be my only opportunity, I guess I shall take it.
I dont expect to get your friendship back, I am almost positive theres no way thats happening, and I dunno why it happened, I'd like answers. I'd like real answers, cause it wuz just like outta no where, you stopped liking me, you stopped wanting to be mine and Mel's friend, and it's just like whoa wtf happened. Im so confused..see normally James I'd be like fuck it, he doesn't want my friendship he wuzn't worthy of it to begin with, normally I'd think so what he doesn't like me back, big deal. But you wanna know what? It is a big deal...For some reason I find myself drawn to you...I still like you and I will admit it. Last time I saw you, I walked away in tears, you used to be so good to me, you used to make me actually feel special. You were this amazing guy and it's like where'd James go? Like how can you go from supposedly liking someone to not wanting anything to do with them.
I look at you and it hurts. Cause all these feelings come up. Whenever I see you it's like how come he's not coming over to give me a hug? And I don't even know if you care. Do you care at all that you're hurting me? That you are hurting Mel? Does any of that matter to you James? Like did my friendship mean dick all to you? Do you look at me and miss having me around? Miss knowing that I care? Cause I definitly miss having you around...I guess you can't miss something til it's gone, and now that it is, it sucks alot.
You know I'm really surprised you e-mailed me. Atleast you acknowledged that I wanted to talk to you. I didn't even want Melanie to send that text message letting know I wanted to talk to you....I really didn't want you to know, cause I wuz building up the courage to talk to you. You scare me...I look at you, and I can't even find the words to describe how I feel about you...I don't know. You used to be someone I could talk so easily to.
James you know on Canada Day how I didn't look too happy when I wuz leaving? The entire way back to Mel's I wuz in tears, you know why? I realized that night I liked you. And I realized I wuz in a relationship that should have ended a long time ago. I felt so stupid...I had this guy right infront of me and it wuz like...hey it looks like he likes me...and then I'd have to go back to Jer and he'd mess with my head.
Last night me and Mel were talking on our way out to Ladner...and we were discussing things and she thinks maybe you were only sexually attracted to me, like nothing else mattered. Maybe it wuz that...that if you said the right things to me, I would melt for you, and give into you. Maybe there wuz more, but it wuz like you just turned off your feelings rather quickly. It hurts me to think that you could tell me you like me then act as if I never existed in this world. James I'm a human and I don't deserve to be treated that way. You won't even acknowledge me when you see me, atleast I don't think you do.
I guess what all I really want from you, is a reason why you aren't our friend anymore. And I'd love to have your friendship back, but I have a feeling there's no way you will let that happen. So I guess all I really need to know is why James...why'd it happen?
You hurt me. I don’t want an apology, I don’t want to be your friend, I just want to end this.
Yeah, I liked you for a bit. It was more than physical, don’t doubt that. I treated you like a princess, aye, I meant it.
But you had your chance the first time, but you ran back to jer. It made me feel like shit, and I realized one night, that it made me feel like garbage. I dropped everything.
Nothing you can say or do will ever change that, or recover our ‘friendship’. Since that moment I’ve had so much malice – why should I let you walk all over me, just to come back?
Don’t try to reason with it, it’s there, it’s how I feel, it’s not changing.
You fucked me up, and you’ll never, ever be able to make it up.
So get over it, I have.
is it wrong to be crying over this? no one understands why i went back to Jer...i wish i could explain it to them...me and Jer havent been in love with each other for a long time, but we were familiar to each other...and..fuck...
im really glad bryans asleep on the phone right now so he doesnt hear me cry...omg...how can i make someone feel that way? im feel like im such a bitch...